Factoid: The old children’s proverb “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” was used as early as 1862 to refrain people from engaging in verbal bullying. Over time and with experience, we gained a new perspective. I found a poem that perhaps is an indication of reality,
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can also hurt me and sticks break only skin, while words are ghosts that haunt me. Slant and curved the word-swords fall, it pierces and sticks inside me. Bats and bricks may ache through bones, but words can mortify me. Pain from words has left its scar, on mind and heart that’s tender. Cuts and bruises have not healed, it’s words that I remember.
Now, bullying depends on it. A multitude in the population depends on it. Some words have worn out their worthiness and are worthless.
William White wrote,
For more than two centuries, Addicted and recovering people in America have been the object of language created by others. People experiencing severe and persistent alcohol and other drug problems inherited a language not of their own making that has been ill suited to accurately portray their experience to others or to serve as a personal catalyst for personal change. The wrong words stigmatize and dis-empower. In 2001, in St Paul, Minnesota, the group assembled learned that by our silence we let others define us. We gave birth to Faces and Voices of Recovery. Understanding the sound of silence led us to the making of our language and it’s resounding and growing joyful noise about the reality of recovery.
Orange County California’s The Purpose of Recovery organization, TPOR, is offering a series of informative learning experiences through virtual presentations. We have done The Science of Addiction and Recovery and a most recent one was on Recovery Messaging. William White wrote,
Many of us have carried a message of hope on a one-to-one basis. This new recovery movement calls upon us to carry that message of hope to whole communities and the whole culture. It is time we stepped forward. Shape this history with our stories, our time and our talents.
Across the board all the moms and dads mention one golden rule of Inuit parenting. Never yell at a child.
Our movement can’t be successful when led solely by those impacted by addiction and accompanying injustice. We need to share our message and inspire allies and others to come join us in the new recovery movement. The learning opportunities in the Recovery Messaging are the result of years of study, revision, feedback, and evaluation of retention and useful purpose. Among the slides is the information that choosing the language of recovery is key. It is followed by examples titled “Say this, not that.” Examples of current language, alternatives, and reasons. I have focused on a few words. The latest is relapse. I prefer and promote set-back. It leads to a mindful slogan. Get back, on track, and don’t look back. Labels have a sticky side for a reason. stigmatizing labels like “addict” and “alcoholic” stick when identity as a “person in recovery” is positive and appropriate when recognizing substance use disorder.
With others from TPOR, I completed a 10-week CRAFT course, Community Reinforcement and Family Training. It teaches family and friends effective strategies for helping their loved ones to change and seeking to better themselves. Of course, words were involved—words and the nature of response. What to say and when might promote a change of behavior remembering, it’s a process not an event. Use reflection with positive reinforcement and patience and take pride in small changes. I learned of a counselor who suggested 80% listening with reflective and positive attention and 20% “I” centered response, I feel, I see, I hear, to promote understanding and trust. I do not have family issues but as a peer recovery coach, it adds greatly to TPOR and my tool kit.
I read an article about a book titled Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaelean Doucleff. She visited and wrote about visiting and embedding with families in small villages in Mexico, Alaska, and Tanzania She observed parenting by the moms and dads in the villages. What caught my attention is her statement,
The children’s conduct and behavior was very good. Say what? Doesn’t yelling put more power in words no matter whether addressing a child or adult? In the context of this writing, the words we use to encourage behavioral change should not need volume to communicate. Too many decibels are numbing and dumbing. I like the expression, “He drives words with a velvet hammer.” The voice I hear and the words I hear are mine. I pay attention.
Don Coyhis is President and co-founder of White Bison, Colorado Springs, Colorado. Don is the founder of the Wellbriety movement The book Red Road to Wellbriety is a book of healing that is culture-specific to Native Americans, but it may be used by all people. He and William White have written many words together about addiction and recovery in Native Americans with cultural considerations and challenging the “firewater myth” among them. I love the words I read.
Native purification and healing practices (sacred dances, the sweat lodge, and talking circles). Such elements as teaching metaphors (e.g., the medicine wheel), symbols (e.g., the sacred pipe, eagle feathers), rituals (e.g., sweat lodge, smudging ceremonies. These words say healing to me. Don Coyhis wrote,
Words are important. If you want to care for something, you call it a flower. If you want to kill something you call it a weed. A word to the wise, use words wisely.
Merlyn Karst — Recovery Ambassador
I completed my 89th year on Mother Earth (32,506 days of life) and decided to share some personal past.
I recently read an Interesting Fact: If you were born in the 1930s to 1945. you exist as a very special age group.
You are the smallest group of children born since the early 1900s. You are the last generation, climbing out of the depression, who can remember the winds of war and the impact of a world at war which rattled the structure of our daily lives for years. I could write pages. Over the years I have written columns but with a rule that didn’t change. Say it on one page. The font must be big enough to read yet what is written about big enough to be informative, interesting, and useful. Sometimes I wrote in rhyme. Here is a verse:
Within ourselves the answers are found, and the courage to change within our reach. When we find the courage and use it well, then lessons learned is what we teach.
One wordy writer used to end with an apology,
Sorry, this would have been shorter if I had more time.
Here is a bit about some early days. I arrived on February 27th, 1932, in a small agricultural town in South Dakota. I was the new deal brought forth by my parents. Life expectancy in 1932 was 60. Franklin Roosevelt was the new deal brought forth for the country. The dust bowl coupled with the great depression made survival the focus. Fortunately, the government provided work programs that restored the dignity of work and saved the economy. I am forever grateful for my childhood. Despite the dust and depression, it was filled with love and promise. the critical value of early childhood education was understood and pursued. I was blessed with public school and church school. Jesus taught and loved me and this I know because the bible told me so. Some years later, I read that before the sermon on the mount, Jesus said to a group of doubters,
If you don’t believe in me, believe in what I teach.
My mom told me she covered my crib with a damp sheet, to keep me cool and dust free. Despite the dust and depression, years were covered with promise. I was cared for and nourished in mind and body. My parents and grandparents had wisdom, patience, and gardens. As a toddler, I tip-toed through the turnips and tomatoes and avoided the eyes of the potatoes. I didn’t like any of them. Liked Snap, Crackle, Pop. A little noise with the nutrition.
The years rushed by. I completed elementary and high school with several students attending all 12 years together. The 50’s brought the Polio virus with recreational shut-down, a fearful public, and behaviors now familiar—isolation and social distancing. I served two years with the military during the Korean conflict and received a university degree under the GI bill. I began my first job with a major energy corporation. Then marriage. Last year, wife and I recognized our 64th wedding anniversary. A son and daughter filled out the family and are now in their 50’s having full and drug free healthy lives and careers. Our daughter and granddaughter live doors away. She is now 18 and a wise and talented young adult with all the excitement and concern this new environment may provide. Previously I spoke of my first job with a major corporation. We moved a lot. I grew in the job and it lasted for a rewarding 16 years. I then joined a Japanese company and served in high executive positions. After 17 years of employment and Japanese/American relationships, I retired early and did some consulting and handled what life dealt. During a rough period, what life dealt changed my life.
In my life alcohol and nicotine were my only drugs of choice. I gave up nicotine over 55 years ago. Though alcohol use is legal and socially acceptable, driving under its influence was not. A DUI arrest and the consequences were costly and brought shame and guilt. No injuries or damages were involved so an Orange County judge thought I would do well In Nancy Clark’s Alternative Sentencing Program. I did well and saw the program having value for me and others and stayed with the program in administration and management for several years. Observing behaviors by drug users, the education gave me a glimpse of drug influence on the brain and resultant behavior. My solid sobriety began Christmas Eve, 1997. In 1998, my wife and I moved to Denver to share family matters. It became the foundational home for my involvement in the recovery movement and over the years, many associates formed, led, and grew organizations in the recovery field. Some identified as Servant Leaders. Faces and Voices of Recovery led the way in the Recovery Movement. I was a Denver Drug Strategy Commissioner and held Committee Chairs and became aware and involved in all matter’s marijuana —medical and recreational. Never tried the drug. Remember, the science of addiction and recovery changed my life. Pot is now legal in Colorado but the process and decisions that made it so were well informed though a bit swayed by the revenue picture.
I first learned of the science of addiction and pursuit of medically assisted recovery from Nora Volkow of NIDA, National Institute of Drug Abuse. I attended trainings on the Science of Addiction and Recovery by Flo Hilliard of FAVOR and others. I got new information and a depth of understanding. It introduced new understanding and reasons for risky, unhealthy, and unexplained behavior. It opened the door for forgiveness. Absence of alcohol and other drugs changed my life over 23 years and gave me new respect for mind and body. Alcohol no longer hijacked my positive thoughts and behavior and —write this down--Don’t Drink—and Thrive! All the choices, chances, and changes provided hope and opportunity. Recovery is an attainable reality for each who seeks it.
It allowed me many more birthdays, including this one. I returned to Orange County in 2019 and with a terrific team built on passion, resolve and purpose, formed an RCO in Orange County, The Purpose of Recovery (TPOR). Our service is caring and broad, including education. Our first virtual educational presentation was The Science of Addiction and Recovery. The whole and elements are available along with a great deal of information on our website, TPOR.org . Facebook is a source for encouraging much personal contact and sharing. It announces birthdays, weddings, special recognitions, and many notable activities and actions. I passed my annual physical with positive results and have received my COVID vaccines. With peaceful heart and quiet mind and with gratitude for family, friends, and fellowships, I will begin my 90th year.. I go to sleep with a classic playing. Tonight it is Ode to Joy.
Merlyn Karst - Recovery Ambassador
I observed and I write. Over the last year the nation has gone through an incredible test of wills. Hindsight can’t be 2020. Alarmingly instructive but so filled with events and irony it sinks under its own weight. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Pretty shallow when weaponized for misinformation and here and there it seems the Dementors from the Potterverse were filling the sky. Voldevirus was anywhere and everywhere. A banner’s four words have had more improbable impact for cause than reason or truth. You can name some. Peer’s pressure and protests migrated into mob manipulation and intimidation. I can’t breathe. I note most impactful but diminishing words started with a “V”. Violence, vengeful, vitriol, voice, voter, and vicious. Look close, even Word has two V’s” in it. Verily, only virtual and vaccine are positive. Words have different meaning, use and understanding depending on cultural identity in the worlds of “woke” and the threat of “cancellation.”. This ostracism is akin to stigma and discrimination which has been an ever-present burden for those pursuing recovery from Substance Use Disorders (SUD) and mental issues. Which brings me to the title, The Power of Will and its historical relevance to long-term recovery.
Willpower is defined as the ability to control your own thoughts and the way in which you behave. In the early days of attention to alcoholism, it was often heard, as a moral judgement, why doesn’t he/she just quit? Certainly AA, the 12 steps and support of others provided choices, chances, change. and continuity. I met and heard Nora Volkow, M.D. of the National Institute of Health in 2002. I gained my first insight about the work on the science of addiction. It was exciting and hopeful for future medically assisted recovery that has evolved and in use today. I attended training with Flo Hilliard, Faces and Voices of Recovery. Her training program was titled The Science of Addiction and Recovery. We understand clearly that not understanding and overcoming craving and fear of the pains of withdrawal will drive wrong choices. With medical assist, and other therapies and recovery support, the brain will resume important activities. Remember, if you are not earning, keep learning. There are countless virtual opportunities. I recently was more informed about what I have written. You Tube, Many Paths to Recovery 11/20/2020. A New PATH—California RCO and ARCO member.
Many years ago, I stated that if it is called willpower, it must be intended to have power. That power to make wise and healthy choices about behavior is reduced and at some stage eliminated with the intake of mind-altering chemicals or actions.
More education is needed. Abstinence, where possible, remains the best solution. Current medicines, and there are several, provide restoration and stability and allow the brain to use them to overcome craving and fear of pain of withdrawal and to resume a more normal life. Oddly, in the recovery community, there is still a stigma associated with MAT. Another recovery advent, harm reduction programs, are controversial. In the aforementioned virtual presentation, Dr. Tom Horvath, Practical Recovery outlines principles, beginning with the first principle,
that recognize self-guided change (natural recovery) as the foundation of all successful treatment.
So, a properly functioning brain is essential for self-healing.
The pandemic has had a disastrous effect in elevating all the elements and possibility of a set-back —perhaps a better word than relapse in the recovery process. We need all to get-back and on track. Medical assist and virtual fellowship on the chosen path to active and sustained recovery will help. We have to use resources virtually and wisely and quickly. Victory over the Virus and use newly learned Virtualocity. As the year closes, we revere the word vaccine. It has literally provided the wind beneath our wings of hope as we proceed to 2021. Close your happy eyes and enjoy the uplift into the New Year!
Nothing is so bad it JUST couldn’t be verse
Don’t just wake up feeling captive, You better just wake up The Positive.
OR The Positive will just keep sleeping, doom and gloom just keeps creeping.
Feeling really down is just really dumb, as there is just no point in staying glum.
Covid vaccine? you can just wait for your big stick. Just follow protocol and parry the big sick.
Each day It just may seem there’s no justice. Just don’t worry because eventually there just is.
Just don’t fret about things not legit, The Positive will shadow you, so don’t worry—just do it.
Merlyn Karst – Recovery Ambassador